Tiny submissive accomodating female
She is not verbally abusive but extremely controlling.I am also in my fifties with grown children and a grandchild.My mother is very sweet when you talk to her but she has absolutely no interest in talking about anyone but herself. She acts like a two year old and wants to be the center of attention at all times. No matter how many times I tell her I don't want her shoving her beliefs down my throat, it falls on deaf ears.I have had many nasty confrontations with her and have asked her to keep her opinions to herself and to please respect my wishes. She is extremely lazy, very over weight thus has many health issues because of it.
Throughout their marriage, my mom controlled virtually every aspect of his life, including what he could say, what he should eat, what he should wear, who he could be friends with -- the list goes on and on.Unfortunately the problem you describe, in one form or another, is very common. Human nature leads people to do what they percieve to be in their best interest.Most people realize, to some degree or another, that it is in their best interest to nurture meaningful relationships and to treat others with appropriate levels of respect and concern.I have two other siblings who basically don't call her very often and since I am the oldest, I get the brunt of her calls. Three years ago, for almost 12 months my beloved younger sister was my mother's caregiver.I have tried to do nothing but please this woman all my life and the more you give, the more she wants. I am no longer going to feel guilty if I don't answer the phone when she calls-I need to take care of myself! Two years ago today my sister looked at her future of being stuck with mother and decided to end her own life.
You can say, "Mother, I love you and I'm going to take care of you, but I'm not going to talk with you or spend a single extra moment in your house if you speak to me this way." If she acts as if she has no idea what you're talking about, be specific, for example, you can say something like, "I don't want your opinion about my appearance." If she doesn't stop her belittling behavior, follow through by limiting your phone conversations and other contact with her.